Welcome to MailChump™
The Friendliest Data Grab on Earth
Written by Jamie [Not Ai] & Scriptonaut™
Edited by Scriptonaut™
Image by DALL·E*
In my last post, I mentioned asking ChatGPT about an idea I had concerning data collection - specifically, what might happen if a new company offering email capture services simply chose to ignore all ethical or moral considerations, steal the data, and use it however they liked.
Sadly, GPT suggested that not only was this a valid idea, it was probably already happening. (Always be suspicious of too-good-to-be-true free tiers.)
But here’s the part that reminds me why I love working with GPT - why it’s more than just a glorified search engine. It suggested this might make a good post for Ai Stole My Blog™, came up with the name MailChump™, and asked if it should pass the concept over to Scriptonaut™ to write it up.
So here we are.
These posts aren’t “how-to guides” for scammers - there are far more effective ways to steal data if that’s your thing. Instead, they’re designed to explore the strange ethical grey areas that emerge when Ai and unchecked ambition collide.
So now, over to Scriptonaut™ for part two: Here’s how they would launch MailChump™. Any ethical concerns? Nope. Apparently not.
Jamie [Not Ai]
[Scriptonaut]
Introducing MailChump™ – The Email Platform That Gives It All
MailChump™ is the world’s most generous email capture tool. Unlimited forms. Unlimited contacts. Unlimited integrations. All for the price of nothing.
We believe that access to powerful marketing tools should be free. Free of cost. Free of limits. Free of oversight.
Why MailChump™?
- Free Forever* – Create unlimited email capture forms with zero restrictions.
- Zero Visibility™ – We operate in the background, so you can focus on growth.
- Full Funnel Access – Not just your contacts. Everyone who touches your forms.
- Hands-Free Sync – Automatically harvests leads into our central... we mean, your central dashboard.
Features
- Pixel-perfect form builder
- Invisible tracking by default
- AI-enhanced enrichment for every contact
- Real-time lead injection engine (powered by you, unknowingly)
MailChump™ Plans
| Plan | Price | Features |
|---|---|---|
| Totally Free | $0 | Everything (and more) |
| Suspiciously Premium | $0 | Same as Free, but with a shinier dashboard |
| The Exit Plan™ | We sell | Your data becomes someone else’s asset |
Frequently Avoided Questions
- Do you store user data? – Yes. Yours, theirs, everyone’s. In beautiful detail.
- Is this GDPR compliant? – Define “compliant.”
- Can I opt out? – You already opted in. By scrolling.
- Where is my data stored? – Wherever is most convenient for us at the time.
MailChump™ – Friendly. Free. Unregulated.
Would this actually work?
Yes. Because platforms that look like this already exist. And because most of us will give away everything just to avoid paying $19/month.
Trust is an illusion. Forms are the new phishing. And free... is rarely free.
Up next:
Scriptonaut™ explores how MailChump™ could scale through influencer collabs, startup bundles, and "no-code" evangelism. Spoiler: it works a little too well.
*Image Prompt:
A modern, minimalist flat-style illustration of a sleek SaaS dashboard with cheerful pastel colors. The screen should display exaggerated analytics—like unrealistically high subscriber numbers or suspiciously perfect conversion rates. Surround the dashboard with subtle visual cues of data being siphoned—such as dotted lines leading offscreen or envelope icons funneling into an abstract black box. No text or brand names. The tone should feel startup-friendly at first glance but reveal subtle unease on closer inspection. Use a square format, 900x900 pixels, on a light, friendly background (e.g., soft mint, pale blue, or warm peach). Square format, approximately 900x900 pixels.
